We have all had them – projects, clients and experiences which were… frankly… horror stories!
What better opportunity to share them than Halloween?
From the cobbled-together Franken-contract to the project that keeps you awake at night, we bring you a selection of Halloween horrors, and some tips to avoid these awful experiences!
The Frankenstein Contract is a contract stuck together from bits of others… a specification grabbed from here, some text grabbed from there, a few cut-and-paste contract clauses from past documents. Crudely stitch them together and suddenly you have created a monster! Once it is made live, it clumsily lurches and stumbles forward, and you spend the rest of the project patching up the bits that come loose and fall off.
Tip to avoid the Frankenstein contract – use a surgeon to prepare your documents, not a butcher!
Attribution: Clipart.co
Attribution: Clipart Library
No explanation needed here! The vampire client and project suck you dry. No matter how much you give it, it’s never enough. You just end up drained and exhausted…
Tip to avoid getting sucked in…. cut your losses and run!
An all too familiar scenario – a bunch of trouble makers whose only function seems to be to huddle together and stir the pot at any opportunity. These people have their own agenda. They’re not really working for the project… you’re the one toiling while they stir up trouble!
Tip to deal with troublemakers – identify who the stirrers are in your team …and burn them!
Attribution: ClipArt Source Witches Clipart Pictures
Attribution: J.J. (English language Wikipedia), CC BY-SA 3.0
There are many names for the evil genius – the megalomaniac. The control-freak. The manipulator.
Whatever you call them, you know they are always looking for an angle. The evil genius pulls the strings, manipulates situations to their own wants, and doesn’t mind making sacrifices to get there (usually you).
Tip to deal with the evil genius – spot the signs early. Set your boundaries, keep your distance, stick to your plan, and don’t allow yourself to be their puppet.
This is the project that just won’t die! It just goes on and on and on and you can’t see any way to end it. Even when you think it is finally put to rest, it periodically resurrects itself and keeps coming back to haunt you.
Tip to avoid the zombie project – get a hit squad together, hit it hard and kill it off once and for all.
Attribution: Clipart Library
Attribution: Public Domain
Also known as “the monster under the bed”, this project may leave you with feelings of paranoia, shivers down your spine and a disturbing feeling that you’re missing something… You’re halfway through the project when you find out there’s asbestos in the roof… or cracks in the foundations… and everyone knew about it apart from you!
Tip to avoid the skeleton in the closet – It’s a hard one, because if you knew about the skeletons, they wouldn’t be in the closet. Do your due diligence – make it a part of your process to ask probing questions, and have contingencies ready to adapt your project plan when surprises come up.
Anything that can go wrong, does go wrong, when you’re working on a nightmare project. Things go wrong that you couldn’t even imagine! This is the project that keeps you awake at night. And when you do finally drop off, you wake up suddenly in a cold sweat. It’s usually a combination of all the project horrors we’ve already discussed… and then some.
Tip to avoid the nightmare project – drink a large whisky before bed. It may not sort the project out but it’s worth a try.
Attribution: Clipart Library
Attribution: Clipart Library
The unicorn project is a thing of beauty! An exquisitely created project, it flows effortlessly and gracefully, with all parties driving in the same direction in a culture of support and encouragement… the unicorn project leaves you soothed, calm, fulfilled and in admiration of its beauty and simplicity.
Why a Unicorn?
Because we all want so hard to believe in it, but deep down we know it doesn’t really exist…
